If you are an Eaker Law Firm client, your mediation is on the calendar and you probably have questions. That is normal, and this page is written for you. It is also for anyone in Rockwall, Collin County or elsewhere in North Texas who is facing family law mediation and wants to know what the day really looks like.
Almost everyone asks the same question first: will I have to sit across the table from them?
You will not be in the same room
No. You and the other party will be in separate rooms the entire day, each with your own lawyer. The mediator goes back and forth between the rooms, carrying proposals, questions and answers. Apart from a chance encounter in the parking lot or on the way to the restroom, you are likely not to see each other at all.
If your mediation is by Zoom, the same thing happens online. Each side is in its own breakout room, and the mediator moves between them. The other side cannot see or hear you.
Mediation is a process, and a very helpful one
Mediation is nothing more than a process. But it is a very helpful one: a day set aside for you and the other party to reach your own agreement before control of your case passes to a judge.
Compare that with trial. A trial is public. The court’s time is limited. And the judge decides your case based on the evidence that is admitted under the rules, which is not always everything that matters to you. At mediation, the whole day belongs to your case. The issues that matter most to your family — your children, your home, your retirement, the schedule you will live with for years — get worked through privately, without a clock running in a courtroom.
A full day can feel long, especially by mid-afternoon. For issues this important, it is a surprisingly short time.
At mediation, you are the central actor
This is the part that surprises clients most. At mediation, you and the other party are at the center, not the lawyers. Your lawyer is beside you all day, explaining your options and advising you on what each proposal means and how it compares with what a court might do. But the decisions are yours. Nothing is agreed unless you agree to it.
At trial, that changes. The lawyers are at the center of the presentation: we call the witnesses, ask the questions and argue the case. You become one of several witnesses, answering the questions you are asked, when you are asked them. Mediation is often your best opportunity to shape the outcome yourself.
Why our clients can walk in calm
David Eaker is also a family law mediator. Judges appoint him and lawyers across North Texas choose him to mediate their cases, so he knows the process from the mediator’s chair as well as from the client’s room. He is very comfortable in the process, and that is exactly why he is clear with clients that the day is theirs.
That experience shapes how we prepare you: what the mediator is likely to ask, how proposals move between rooms, when to wait and when to make a move, and what a good agreement looks like on paper before you sign it. Whether David or Leslie Alvarez is with you, you will not walk in wondering what comes next.
Where it happens, and how the day runs
Mediation usually takes place at the mediator’s office, or over Zoom. We will give you the address and start time. Lunch is brought in, and the work usually continues through it.
Plan to be there all day. Mediations are usually scheduled to end around 5:00, but some cases continue late into the night. The mediator controls the schedule, and if progress is being made, we stay. We do not want to leave for an arbitrary reason and watch a deal fall apart overnight. Cases settle at four in the afternoon far more often than at eleven in the morning; it simply takes most of a day to work through the real questions.
Plan for a long day. Arrange childcare for the evening, make sure someone can look after your dog, and clear your work responsibilities.
If there is a conflict you truly cannot avoid, tell us before the day starts. Sometimes we will need to reschedule; sometimes we will work with the hard-stop. Either way, it is always better to know in the morning than to find out late in the afternoon, when the issues are most in play.
Bring a phone charger and if you keep most of your records online, a laptop can be really useful to update balances or find information requested during the mediation that wasn’t expected. If there is a number you may need — a mortgage balance, a retirement statement, a school calendar — bring it. Agreements stall on missing numbers more often than on missing willingness.
Come alone — this is your case
Please do not bring your mother, your sister, a friend, or a new boyfriend or girlfriend. You are the party. It is your case, and you are the one who should be there. The decisions made that day are yours, and the conversation in your room is between you, your lawyer and the mediator.
Dress comfortably
This is not trial, and you are not in a courtroom. Wear whatever makes you comfortable for a long day. Jeans are fine. You do not need a suit, unless wearing one makes you feel better. If you tend to get cold, bring a sweater.
The mediator does not decide anything
The mediator is not the judge. The mediator does not rule on anything, does not take sides, and does not represent you or the other party. The mediator’s job is to help the parties find an agreement (if one is possible).
Expect the mediator to ask hard questions about your position. The same hard questions are being asked in the other room. A mediator who only told each side how strong its case was would be no use to anyone.
Don’t be surprised to see the mediator play “Devil’s Advocate” testing our positions and thoughts. This is a critical part of the process as it challenges parties who may otherwise convince themselves of the perfection of their positions thus polarizing as the day goes on. This does not mean the mediator dislikes you or likes the other side better. They are likely doing it in the other room as well. It does work wonders to keep parties reasonable and moving toward resolution.
If we reach an agreement
An agreement is written up and signed that day as a mediated settlement agreement (you will hear us often talk about the “MSA”). In Texas, a properly drafted mediated settlement agreement is binding — more binding than most people expect. You do not get to sleep on it and change your mind. Each party is entitled to have the court enter judgment on its terms. We will go over it with you, line by line, before you sign. Signing is a real decision.
The best agreements are usually ones both sides can live with although neither loves. Those also tend to be the ones that last.
Success does not require a settlement
A good day at mediation is not measured only by whether the case settles. Even without a full agreement, the day is rarely wasted. Issues get narrowed. The real disputes come into focus. You learn what matters to the other side and how they see the case.
If your case does go to trial, you are usually better prepared for it because of the day spent at mediation.
What is said at mediation stays there
Texas law generally keeps what is said in mediation confidential, so it is not used as evidence at trial. And if there is something you want the mediator to know but not carry to the other room, say so — the mediator will keep it in your room.
If it gets hard during the day
Mediation is a long day about things that matter a great deal: your children, your home, your money, and the end of a long relationship. If you have a hard moment — and many people do — that is normal, and it does not derail anything. When you freak out, and you may, we are still here.
Questions before your mediation? Call us at (972) 772-8005. That is what we are here for.
Facing mediation without a lawyer?
If you have a divorce or custody case headed to mediation in Rockwall County or Collin County and you do not have a lawyer yet, schedule a consultation with Eaker Law Firm. We practice family law only, with offices in Rockwall and Allen. Call (972) 772-8005 or book a consultation online.
Part of Answers on Texas Divorce and Custody — everything we have written, free to read and sorted by what you are trying to work out. This one is filed under Inside the Court Process.
